What is a New Year’s resolution? Something that goes in one year and out the other.
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
Why did you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve? To ring in the New Year.
Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve? Waiting for the punch line.
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve? Social security.
Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve? Times Square.
What did the caterpillar do on Jan. 1? Turned over a new leaf.
What did Adam say to Eve on Dec. 31? It’s New Year’s, Eve.
